A woman I don’t know
Edie Windsor died yesterday. If you are a lesbian or queer or friends with me on facebook you probably know this. I hope you all know who she is. I am weirdly taking this super hard because I am thinking about all the ways this woman I don’t know changed my life.
I’ve never been big on marriage yet I am married. We needed the rights that came from it even if we did not need to institution to define our relationship. These days I operate in a mainly straight world and I see how straight people value it’s weight. I use wife in the straight world while usually stick to partner in lesbian land. I see it’s weight and value there. The other night I was out with a friend and told her a story about earlier in mine and Lesley’s relationship. She asked if we were dating or married at that time. I had no clue where we were at in our three kinds of commitment life and it didn’t occur to her that at the time of the story we had never lived in a state where we could legally get married.
I see the weight it has for others and the ways it benefits us. Ensuring both of our rights to our child and our health care, mainly. I see how the shift in public support has changed my life. I see how already straight people have forgotten that these are new rights.
I think about how life was before Edie fought. I think about how things were 15 years ago when I started coming out. I know she is a symbol of a big change that was long happening but losing her is a profound loss. This woman I don’t know who changed my life.