The Good (a sanctimonious post)
Sometimes it is hard to get inspired for blog posts. When those times come I normally end up getting frustrated about something and coming here to release it into the universe. It’s great to let it go but is not always a clear picture of my life.
I come here today to tell you about the good. You know what? There is so much good.
A few years ago a friend told me that she would list her toddler as her best friend if people wouldn’t think she weird. I get it. I truly enjoy my child. He is fun and creative and has started getting more into imaginary things (like talking to and showing us imaginary worms). He’s caring and loving and sure, he’s not perfect but he’s pretty great.
This is one of the reasons I have struggles connecting with other moms. In mom groups big and small, locally and nationally, I see so many moms frustrated with their kids. I see a lot of name calling and “why is your kid crying” threads and stuff that I just can’t really get down with. I know kids are frustrating and I know that moms need a place to let off steam. I know that they love their kids. But I really don’t have much to add to those conversations.
The other common theme is partner bashing. A dear friend told me years ago that she stopped talking about her frustrations with her partner with other people. I thought that was a bit extreme but I get it. When I have semi publicly expressed frustrations with Lesley in the past people will pile on and validate my feelings. And you know what? Those feelings are valid. But when I get internet folks to validate them it just fuels my fire instead of discussing them with her. My take away from “mom groups” is that I am extremely fortunate. I have an equal partnership with someone I love is who an amazing and engaged parent of our child. Day to day there will always be little things but the big picture is good.
I feel so content with where we are. I’d have a 2.5 year old forever. I feel like the classes we took when Gus was an infant, was one, and a few months ago really shaped who we are as parents. My expectations are realistic and I have some coping mechanisms to deal. Everything isn’t perfect 100% of the time but I never feel the need to call my kid an asshole either so there’s that.
I asked a friend a while ago if she felt awkward about how much she loves her daughter. She 100% understood what I meant. So much of mom bonding is around complaining that I just don’t know how to operate in that world. It’s why I don’t attend “Mom’s Night Out” events. I appreciate the purpose of complaining and know that everyone needs some solidarity – I 100% get it and don’t begrudge how people live their lives (even though this sounds so sanctimonious) I just realized I was happier when I stopped venting my frustrations to the world wide web.
There are moments of every day that are trying. There are moments of every day I wish I could do over. There are moments of every day when I am at the end of my rope. But the days are amazing. When I look at the big picture I give most a 9/10.
I think we have a balance that is often hard but childcare is a savior for me. I think he learns a lot, we learn a lot, and we have some space. I used to think of childcare as something we needed but now think that we are fortunate to have it. That’s not saying every kid/family needs it but it contributes a lot to the well being of my family.
I read through this post and thought about deleting it because I don’t want people to think I am a jerk who judges their feelings (I see so many of you in various mom corners). I’m not though – I’m leaving it because the conversation I had with my friend about the awkwardness of internet parenting. I’m leaving it to let you all know it’s okay to think you are totally rocking this thing. So here are kid pictures to end it: