A woman who lives in a town near mine recently lost her husband and young son to a tragic accident. I won’t say much more than that because it’s the kind of stuff that keeps you up at night. Every now and then the story comes up in the news and I look at her facebook page and see what a mother’s heartbreak looks like. I did this today and now I feel frozen and just want to go hug my baby instead of stare at my computer screen.
This combines with another conversation we’ve been having over the last couple of days. I think my kid is overall easy. I’m not saying there are not difficult moments but I feel like we can manage and make it work. We are talking a parenting class/group for two year olds and I find that I don’t have a lot in common with other parents when it comes to their frustrations. I don’t get that frustrated with Gus. Some of this is because I think my expectations are realistic and some of it is because I don’t overthink it in the moment. I overthink it plenty overall – when we have an issue I read and study and talk to folks but then we just make a decision and do that. Other folks are coming week after week not knowing what to do and I just don’t feel that way.
That sounds smug and I don’t really mean it to but I feel like we all mesh well together and beyond that, I love being Gus’ mom. I’m not saying I loved it last night when him and I went to pick up take out and he tried to eat a nickle and hide under a table but overall. A friend of mine said years ago that if she could list her three year old as her best friend without people thinking she was weird she would. I thought she was weird. I get it now.
But the other part of this is that I still feel we suck at everything else. Our kid is awesome and I love and enjoy him so much but our house is still a mess and food isn’t prepped like I want it to be and there’s no time and the dog needs a bath and we have 500 projects we’d love to do but will never get to. All those things feel so overwhelming all the time and as I try to live in the moment they hang back there. I wish it was easier to get things done. I wish we had more time. I wish that we worked 35 hours a week with full time childcare. I wish we had an extra set of hands. I don’t know what would make it easier. I feel overwhelmed by the stuff that needs to be done and overwhelmed with love for my son and I look at a mother grieve on facebook. My priorities are right even if it is hard.