Lurking.

I keep thinking of things to write and come up at a loss. This space is strange now. So many folks who I know and follow here are working on ttc number 2 (or 3!) and write about that and that’s not where we are at. It’s odd when the group is your peers and you are not a peer in the same way anymore.

I want to write about Gus but what to do I say? He is so fun but I feel like trying to explain it in words cheapens it. In the last couple of weeks he his speech has changed. He has become much more conversational. He’s communicating complex ideas. The other day he was singing a song, I don’t remember which one but something he sings often, and he stopped and said, “I don’t really understand the rest of this song.” It’s something so hard to describe but it has been a notable shift.

So much of our life is day to day without any big news of events to report. I thought I would be sad to reach this point of less concrete milestones and while there is some sadness to that there is so much joy in other places that it is okay. He’s fun and smart and a good kid. We like him. We’ll keep him.

He does have challenging moments, don’t get me wrong. We struggle a bit with his behavior sometimes – we’re not always on the same page and react in the moment. The other day I told him if he didn’t nap he’d spend the rest of the day in his room alone. Clearly that isn’t true. I took that as a sign that what we were doing wasn’t working and I packed us up to leave a play. Children are really freaking amazing in that they are forgiving souls. I can be mad and frustrated and he gives me big whole body hugs and kisses that would surely be criticized by the internet were I famous. It’s a sad and wonderful fact. Wonderful because I am a good parent and he forgives my mistakes – sad because if I weren’t he would still be forgiving because that’s what kids do. We’re starting a parenting class for two year olds in January. I’m super excited and hope it helps me be a better parent.

Nothing else in life is too exciting so I never write. I never know quite what to say to sum up life with our sweet boy. Yet I don’t want to abandon this space. I come on here and quickly browse other’s posts once a week or so. I’m here, lurking. Most of you know me other places and see our lives there and I like that. Maybe this space feels distant because so many of you are not people on the internet but my for real friends. Maybe I’ll continue to stay at this distance  – updating every now and then and reading along so I know when everyone is knocked up. I’m not sure. Maybe my big mouth just ran out of things to say.