Lurking.

I keep thinking of things to write and come up at a loss. This space is strange now. So many folks who I know and follow here are working on ttc number 2 (or 3!) and write about that and that’s not where we are at. It’s odd when the group is your peers and you are not a peer in the same way anymore.

I want to write about Gus but what to do I say? He is so fun but I feel like trying to explain it in words cheapens it. In the last couple of weeks he his speech has changed. He has become much more conversational. He’s communicating complex ideas. The other day he was singing a song, I don’t remember which one but something he sings often, and he stopped and said, “I don’t really understand the rest of this song.” It’s something so hard to describe but it has been a notable shift.

So much of our life is day to day without any big news of events to report. I thought I would be sad to reach this point of less concrete milestones and while there is some sadness to that there is so much joy in other places that it is okay. He’s fun and smart and a good kid. We like him. We’ll keep him.

He does have challenging moments, don’t get me wrong. We struggle a bit with his behavior sometimes – we’re not always on the same page and react in the moment. The other day I told him if he didn’t nap he’d spend the rest of the day in his room alone. Clearly that isn’t true. I took that as a sign that what we were doing wasn’t working and I packed us up to leave a play. Children are really freaking amazing in that they are forgiving souls. I can be mad and frustrated and he gives me big whole body hugs and kisses that would surely be criticized by the internet were I famous. It’s a sad and wonderful fact. Wonderful because I am a good parent and he forgives my mistakes – sad because if I weren’t he would still be forgiving because that’s what kids do. We’re starting a parenting class for two year olds in January. I’m super excited and hope it helps me be a better parent.

Nothing else in life is too exciting so I never write. I never know quite what to say to sum up life with our sweet boy. Yet I don’t want to abandon this space. I come on here and quickly browse other’s posts once a week or so. I’m here, lurking. Most of you know me other places and see our lives there and I like that. Maybe this space feels distant because so many of you are not people on the internet but my for real friends. Maybe I’ll continue to stay at this distance  – updating every now and then and reading along so I know when everyone is knocked up. I’m not sure. Maybe my big mouth just ran out of things to say.

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Posted on December 21, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. I love the language and congitive growth at this age. It is amazing! Keep writing. It doesn’t have to be about anything big, but this is your space unlike other online outlets.

  2. I will always be happy to read what you have to say here. I’m glad you’re still lurking. Blogs are about listening too.

  3. I have been feeling the same about this space. I noticed to that there is another group of “US”, and I was explaining it to The LadyKing…it’s…well, different now! And most of us are so busy with toddlers and really kick-ass preschoolers that it’s more important to actually LIVE those moments with them, and not so necesary to document them anymore. Either way, those of us that connected here, really CONNECTED, and i love that! Glad to see some words from you friends, and hey! Lurk away! I do it too! And Gus! Ugh, that kid just melts me heart…what a face on him..i can only imagine how huge and fun and loving his personality is…hugs to all of you…

  4. I like reading what you write, even when it isn’t ‘exciting.’ I get the feeling of not having anything to say, though – up until we started TTC again, I felt a little lost too. Rest assured we like what your big mouth has to say! 😉

  5. I always like reading your posts, perhaps *because* I know you IRL and so I can relate in a different way.

    Also Darwin has been doing a lot of the “I don’t understand” or “I don’t know that word!” I kind of love it. It actually lets me know how much she DOES understand now, since she’s not just parroting sounds but is actually thinking about the words and what they mean. Kids are amazing!

  6. God, I kiss my child so much – the internet would tear me apart. I’m totes gonna keep doing it though, until he tells me to stop.

    I feel the same way about my blog, only for me I want to be TTC and I feel like everyone else is doing it and having babies, and I’m right back where I was when I was desperate for one baby (except this time I’m not AS desperate because three-year-olds don’t really sell you on that second baby).

    • Ugh, yes. I am desperate for another and have a 3yo.

      • Some days my 3yo is so sweet, I’m heartbroken I’m not pregnant again, and other days he’s such a monster I’m like, ” nope! One kid is just fine by me!”

      • We have some rough days but I wouldn’t say monster-ish. He was high needs and cried his whole first year so it’s hard to top that. I fear having another like he was but also know I could get through it.

    • Ha! I got pregnant right after my now-big-one turned three and I definitely remember thinking “thank goodness I’m already pregnant or I would quit right now.” She got sweet again right around the time I miscarried, though, so I ended up going for it after all. But three was probably the least favorite age I’ve encountered thus far. I wasn’t desperate for a second so much as undecided, but I totally hear you on feeling like I had missed the wave.

      • I have a theory that anyone with more than one kid has them either super close together, before they realize exactly what year three consists of, or like 7+ years apart when they’re out of the danger zone.

  7. I like reading what you have to say even when you think you have nothing to say. And I feel you on the explosion of TTC.

  8. First. Gus is totally a blast. I’m glad you’ve decided to keep him. 😀
    Second, I find that writing in my life ebbs and flows. I write a lot for my work, so it can be either stressful or stress-reducing to write about what’s on my mind, depending on the circumstances. I realized yesterday that I haven’t posted since before the election. It has felt…overwhelming to write about what is on my mind with my kids. Everything has been eclipsed.
    But. I think this community has the potential to grow into something broader. As the kids get older and we become more protective of their privacy (when they aren’t just little learning-to-crawl potatoes) I am trying to decide if I want to keep blogging with them in the background.
    Annnnd there are the beginnings of some thoughts. Clearly I need to blog.

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