Monthly Archives: May 2016

My boy in a skirt.

Gus loves skirts. A while ago I bought him a few used twirly skirts that I figured he could use like tutus. He really took to them and wore one very regularly in the evening and on the weekend. Then it got a bit colder again, the skirt got put away, and no one thought much of it.

Yesterday we were getting dressed to run errands and Lesley gave him the choice of two pairs of shorts. He shoved her out of the way, said “No Mommy. Skirt.” and got a skirt out of his closet. Today I got him dressed to head to a friend’s birthday party and then he found the skirt on the couch and insisted he wear that instead. So he did.

It’s an interesting thing, a boy in a skirt. In no way do I think that he should not be able to wear one yet I hear myself explaining it to other people “He’s into skirts big time today and insisted he wear it” and having the progressive parents we know mention it. A man at the party making small talk misgendered him repeatedly. I decided months ago to not go out of my way to correct people when they misgender him because I feel like it is saying there is something wrong with being labeled a girl. No one at this party thought it was a big deal. No one at the grocery store realizes he is a boy.

But what’s next is where I struggle. There is a family in town that has twin four year olds. They are boy/girl twins but are both always dressed as “girls”. A year ago I would have thought this was odd. Sure, I am find with boys wearing skirts but all the time? That’s too much, I thought.

And now I figure out how to actually parent my child. We give him limited choices when picking out his clothes some times (some times we suck at this). Do I offer a skirt every time? I need to buy more skirts… Should I let him try dresses? “Let him”. That sounds so awful. For now, any time he asks he can wear it. I think I am fine with that. Yet I am still nervous about the day he wants to wear a skirt to daycare.



Sigh. Gus has learned the word yucky.

As a stand alone thing this is not bad. It is a word and he can use it to express opinions. But he is using it for things we are not fond of. At different point this weekend he pointed to both Lesley and I while we were not fully dressed and said, “yucky!”. He also does it when he sees us rinsing a poop diaper.

The body stuff is hard. We just say, “Nope, that’s mommy’s/mama’s body and bodies aren’t yucky!” and move on. I feel like that is an appropriate response and we are trying not to make it a big deal and just correct him that bodies aren’t yucky and move on. Diapers are hard too, mainly because we don’t want him to develop weird issues with shame. We say that everybody poops and it’s totally fine but we should not touch it or something like that. Again, not a big deal but a hard yucky concept to explain to a toddler.

Oddly enough, he doesn’t use yucky for much else. Not food or other things he finds gross. Is this our first “influenced by other daycare kids” language? It’s weird that it just popped up.

Now I am going to list the cute things he says:

I talked a while ago about how he knew “sad” and “crying” but now he knows “happy” too. When he laughs really hard he yells, “HAPPY!”.

Yesterday we went to a local farm to pet the goats. We pet the goats and then went to the pygmy goats and he freaking called them pygmy goats without prompting. We aren’t totally sure if he was calling them pygmy goats or “piggy” goats (we were feeding them and they sure were going after the food) but we never refer to people eating as piggies so both would be equally as weird. One would be a weird thing our kid learned (piggy goats), one makes our kid such a weirdo (pygmy goats).

Lesley reads him the book at night and now he walks around all the time saying, “toots are funny!”

He keeps running his head in to both of our vulva’s and saying, “In the tunnel!” which is, uh, weird.

And my favorite: When he gets hurt he shows us and says, “Kiss it better”. If we tell him to be gentle with something (cat) he’ll go up to it, kiss it, and say, “kiss it better!”. Lesley does bedtime and said that the past couple of nights he’ll purposely bump (very lightly and totally on purpose) his head on the wall and then come to her so she can kiss it better. Kind of weird that the kid thinks he needs to hurt himself to get kisses but still cute so I’ll take it.


i tried to find a good picture i had not posted on fb or insta. maybe this? he’s such a ham.



*** Probably not the post for you if you have bad anxiety ***

I had a pretty great pregnancy with Gus. I threw up only twice, had no major issues, and he grew on track with no concerns. Yet the whole time I worried. I was worried something would go wrong. I hesitated to think about the future with a baby because I knew something could go wrong. I was too worried to trust things would be okay.

I worried so much the first year of his life. Even if he was okay was I doing everything correctly? Was he rolling when he should roll and crawling when he should crawl? Did I love him enough? Did I forever scar him the night (or 12) that he wouldn’t go to sleep and I yelled? Should I do more?

Somewhere between 10-14 months that calmed down. He was clearly on track and doing great. I was able to enjoy my kiddo so much. I knew we were all doing okay and that we’d make it.

And now in the last couple weeks worry has started to set back in. There was a story last week about a mama in Portland who was hiking with her family and her kiddo who was 2 or 3 was hiking and took a misstep and tumbled down a cliff. He had some injuries but will be okay. His mama will not. She saw him go and immediately went after him and died. This story filled me with panic. I feel for this family but I think of how many places we hike with cliffs. Gus is way too small to be off my back in these places but one day he won’t be. How will I ever trust him to hike alone and not go close to the edge? What if I am hiking with him and I trip? We planned some camping trips this summer and will be at the beach. What if he gets too close to the water? What if something happens to him somewhere we go? I wonder if these worries will go away as he gets more stable on his feet/develops any sort of self control? As it stands now I think about taking him anywhere outside of the house and what could happen to him and it gets hard to breathe.

Add to those worries the fact that Humans of New York is on facebook featuring kids with cancer this week. What if he doesn’t fall off a cliff but instead gets sick? Those kids featured were all healthy happy kids and then got sick. What if that is my kid? There is no way to tell. I could keep him away from every cliff and every body of water and something could still happen to him. I can’t keep him safe no matter what I do.

I don’t really know how to get over this. It’s not stopping me from living but it occupies my mind more often than I would like to admit. I loved Gus when he was born. I loved him when he was an infant. But now we chat. Now he kisses and hugs. Now he and I have a relationship and hang out and have a good time. I worry so much that something will happen to him and honestly, I don’t know if it is him or me I worry about. I want him to be safe and to grow and always be happy and healthy yes, but I realize now that if anything happened to him I’d be done for too.