One of my all time favorite sad songs is the song February by Dar Williams. I love it because it is not only sad- it talks about the cycles of sadness. The confusion, struggle and the moving onto something new.
This February has been a February of all Februaries. The hospital stay was hard on us, yes, but in some ways not as hard as the weeks leading up to it. A sick kid who isn’t getting better leads to hopeless times. Everyone is tired. Everyone is shouting. The only goal is to make it through the day and we weren’t doing that well. When we came home from the hospital there was suddenly this life that we had before the sickness started – a working together that I had forgotten we were capable of.
There are so many reasons why I am grateful to have Lesley parent with me but I tell ya, sometimes I think single parents have it made in certain regards. There are no conversations about if everyone involved is doing their fair share. There is no resentment when one parent is with the baby and the other parent needs to space out for a minute. No conversations about whose morning it is to get up first. It’s always you and there really is no point in hoping otherwise.
Yesterday a memory popped up on facebook and I realized that I have never told y’all why this blog is named what it is. Lesley and I have a good friend and former roommate, M and we used to always list things that went together when Lesley and I did something to point out we were made for one another. (This started after we bought each other, unknowingly, vagina coloring books for Christmas one year.) As a way of saying that there is someone for everyone we’d say Every ____ has a ____. Two really stuck. The first is that every Bert has an Ernie and the second is that every pot has a lid.
Some day things are rough. Some Februaries are extra February-ey. Seeing this picture yesterday reminded me that we work well together because we balance each other. Sometimes Lesley is way to relaxed for me but she helps me prioritize what is really important vs what is not. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying everything in our household -I pay the bills, I manage anything social (for the most part), I run the errands. But then I remember that she is the heart of our family. She makes our food, she folds our laundry, she reads to our son. Both of these things are equally important and we both have our jobs. We work together and do our parts.
I’m not saying that remembering this yesterday means that I’m not going to be mad tonight when I see her hockey bag in the living room or that I will always remember that we are a team – I won’t. But this was a small reminder that we’re in this with each other, not against each other. And I’m going to look for these reminders and stack them up so when the next storm hits they are there to carry us through.