February

One of my all time favorite sad songs is the song February by Dar Williams. I love it because it is not only sad- it talks about the cycles of sadness. The confusion, struggle and the moving onto something new.

This February has been a February of all Februaries. The hospital stay was hard on us, yes, but in some ways not as hard as the weeks leading up to it. A sick kid who isn’t getting better leads to hopeless times. Everyone is tired. Everyone is shouting. The only goal is to make it through the day and we weren’t doing that well. When we came home from the hospital there was suddenly this life that we had before the sickness started – a working together that I had forgotten we were capable of.

There are so many reasons why I am grateful to have Lesley parent with me but I tell ya, sometimes I think single parents have it made in certain regards. There are no conversations about if everyone involved is doing their fair share. There is no resentment when one parent is with the baby and the other parent needs to space out for a minute. No conversations about whose morning it is to get up first. It’s always you and there really is no point in hoping otherwise.

Yesterday a memory popped up on facebook and I realized that I have never told y’all why this blog is named what it is. Lesley and I have a good friend and former roommate, M and we used to always list things that went together when Lesley and I did something to point out we were made for one another. (This started after we bought each other, unknowingly, vagina coloring books for Christmas one year.) As a way of saying that there is someone for everyone we’d say Every ____ has a ____. Two really stuck. The first is that every Bert has an Ernie and the second is that every pot has a lid.

potlid

Some day things are rough. Some Februaries are extra February-ey. Seeing this picture yesterday reminded me that we work well together because we balance each other. Sometimes Lesley is way to relaxed for me but she helps me prioritize what is really important vs what is not. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying everything in our household -I pay the bills, I manage anything social (for the most part), I run the errands. But then I remember that she is the heart of our family. She makes our food, she folds our laundry, she reads to our son. Both of these things are equally important and we both have our jobs. We work together and do our parts.

I’m not saying that remembering this yesterday means that I’m not going to be mad tonight when I see her hockey bag in the living room or that I will always remember that we are a team –  I won’t. But this was a small reminder that we’re in this with each other, not against each other. And I’m going to look for these reminders and stack them up so when the next storm hits they are there to carry us through.

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Posted on February 17, 2016, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 21 Comments.

  1. I love this! Sometimes we just need those little reminders 🙂

  2. ❤ I really love this, and I adore the pot + lid metaphor, so sweet.
    L and I also have tattoos about 'going together' – in our case, it's peas and carrots.
    Thanks for this reminder, it's so easy to forget in the midst of hard shit! I'm glad you have your lid (or pot? how did you decide who was what? I'm peas cause I just REALLY like peas a lot.)

    • Peas and carrots! I love coordinating tattoos. I am lid (oppressively pale.) we actually decided because we wanted the lid higher than the pot and I’m taller. I’m totally Ernie, though. Lesley would 100% collect paperclips like Bert.

  3. I love this, too. (And the song, it’s one of my favourites.)

    Parenting together is so hard, regardless of the strength of your relationship. That was/is seriously one of the biggest shocks of parenting for me.

    Also, February really ought to be, like, eight days long, not twenty-eight.

    • I’m amazed by folks who have/want two kids. We haven’t adjusted to one!

      • Yeah, I am totally baffled by how people handle multiple children. More stress, less sleep, less downtime… It sounds kind of terrifying.

      • I mean, more to love and all that right? If you ever need someone to talk you into one and done just let me know – I have a long list of reasons. 🙂

      • I’m totally curious about your list! I’m heavily leaning toward one. There are so many good reasons, and the argument for a second is relatively short, but we’re still not completely sure.

      • Okay, this took me a while to get back to: putting aside the fact we could never afford childcare for two our thoughts are this: we’re excited to really do things with Gus and having another kid would delay that. At almost 17 months things are daily easier and having another one would make it hard to have adventures. Plus we want him to participate in activities and explore his passions and it’s hard to have the time and money to do that with two kids. I can’t come up with a age he could be where I feel it’s fair for us to swift so much focus away. I want to experience life fully with him.

      • Thanks for sharing! Those reasons all make sense to me. I hadn’t really thought about a second child limiting what sort of adventures we could have, but it totally would. But really, the time, money, and patience… I’m just not sure I/we have enough of any of those.

    • SO hard. I swear it is the best of the best and the worst of the worst. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so happy/miserable before, certainly not in such quick succession.

  4. Many, many likes.

    Although we’re not new-agey, we’re unintentionally phoenix & dragon, with ?fateful coordinating tattooes that we got before we met. Or in my case, technically the day after we met, but the tattoo artist scheduled me & sketched it up a month prior.

  5. Love this! My wife and I are the same way! I’m totally the lid to her pot and the Bert to her Ernie! Except that I have a low tolerance for pain and am terrified of getting a tattoo! 😉

    • I have low pain tolerance, too and I have managed quite a few tattoos – I can let you know where hurts the least if you reconsider. 🙂 The balance of a partnership is a great thing, isn’t it? As much as those differences can make you crazy it is nice to remember sometimes they are what makes you sane, too.

  6. I needed to read this today! I, too, tend to feel like I do more work around the house – I’m always surprised at how equally divided things actually are whenever I have to solo parent.

  7. I really like the tattoo and your blog title and had a feeling that was the meaning. One sentence felt like a slap in the face but I don’t think you meant it like that. I’d love to have a lid and I’m not giving up hope. It takes much longer to boil water without one and steaming vegetables is impossible.

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