Monthly Archives: February 2016
1,800. The estimate to fence in our front yard and garden. Higher than we hoped, lower than we feared. The guy has been working for 3 days though and I don’t see much difference so I am very worried that it is going to creep much higher. (earlier i said 18,000 because I am so tired. That’s insane.)
1,222. Our monthly mortgage payment I thought I got out of paying this month. Our loan switched companies and company 1 did not take payment and company 2 did not have any of our information. But alas, I owe it. It’s fine because I have it (yay tax return) but man, that would have been nice.
3. The number of nights my child has not slept. The longest stretch we have gotten has been about 1 2 hour stretch each night. Other than that he wakes up screaming every 20 minutes or so. Sometimes I just rock him in my arms (he’s been in bed with us because every 20 minutes), sometimes he screams hysterically for a half hour. I think I might be dying. My hypothesis for this sleep disruption is a combination of: teething, has a cold, separation anxiety, sleep regression, actually hates me. I’ve lost hope he’ll ever sleep again. I’ve lost hope I’ll ever sleep again.
2. The number of replies I got from my craigslist ad (yes, I posted it). One was a 19 year old single dude who on his facebook profile looks like a serial killer so I did not reply to him. The other was a male/female couple who look fairly normal. We met them for a beer last night (with Gus because always with Gus) because I realized that it’s weird to put an ad out that says, “Hey, we’re two women who want strangers to come over to our house at night!” Gus was a bit wild/uncooperative (you know, because he stopped sleeping) but everything was manageable and they seemed nice and we’ll have them over. It’s hard when friend shopping to not see new friends in comparison to old friends. These folks are nice but not our people like old friends were. But sometimes you just have to give folks some time so we’ll try again.
- The number of posts I’ve been meaning to write but haven’t found time to. I’ll give you the cliffnotes version. I hate getting presents or having someone do nice things for me because I do not feel I show gratitude well enough. I’ve had people come back and list things that they did to help us or whatever which just shows me they did not feel I was properly grateful. I hate sending thank you cards. I feel like trying to thank someone is one of the most awkward human experiences. Am I alone here? I don’t know how to un indent this one and am tired.
0. Pretty sure that’s the number of fruits or vegetables I have eaten this week. Survival. it is only about survival.
I have a lot to write but Gus has been sick and I have not been sleeping so they will wait for tomorrow.
He called me “Mommy” today. Looked at me and said it. He’s been calling us both mama but finally, I’m mommy.
I always used to think mama was superior and whoever was mommy lost a bet. But finally, he knows I’m mommy. His mommy.
One of my all time favorite sad songs is the song February by Dar Williams. I love it because it is not only sad- it talks about the cycles of sadness. The confusion, struggle and the moving onto something new.
This February has been a February of all Februaries. The hospital stay was hard on us, yes, but in some ways not as hard as the weeks leading up to it. A sick kid who isn’t getting better leads to hopeless times. Everyone is tired. Everyone is shouting. The only goal is to make it through the day and we weren’t doing that well. When we came home from the hospital there was suddenly this life that we had before the sickness started – a working together that I had forgotten we were capable of.
There are so many reasons why I am grateful to have Lesley parent with me but I tell ya, sometimes I think single parents have it made in certain regards. There are no conversations about if everyone involved is doing their fair share. There is no resentment when one parent is with the baby and the other parent needs to space out for a minute. No conversations about whose morning it is to get up first. It’s always you and there really is no point in hoping otherwise.
Yesterday a memory popped up on facebook and I realized that I have never told y’all why this blog is named what it is. Lesley and I have a good friend and former roommate, M and we used to always list things that went together when Lesley and I did something to point out we were made for one another. (This started after we bought each other, unknowingly, vagina coloring books for Christmas one year.) As a way of saying that there is someone for everyone we’d say Every ____ has a ____. Two really stuck. The first is that every Bert has an Ernie and the second is that every pot has a lid.
Some day things are rough. Some Februaries are extra February-ey. Seeing this picture yesterday reminded me that we work well together because we balance each other. Sometimes Lesley is way to relaxed for me but she helps me prioritize what is really important vs what is not. Sometimes I feel like I am carrying everything in our household -I pay the bills, I manage anything social (for the most part), I run the errands. But then I remember that she is the heart of our family. She makes our food, she folds our laundry, she reads to our son. Both of these things are equally important and we both have our jobs. We work together and do our parts.
I’m not saying that remembering this yesterday means that I’m not going to be mad tonight when I see her hockey bag in the living room or that I will always remember that we are a team – I won’t. But this was a small reminder that we’re in this with each other, not against each other. And I’m going to look for these reminders and stack them up so when the next storm hits they are there to carry us through.
So I think we’re doing some potty learning over here.
Before Christmas we made our annual “spend a shit ton at ikea because Christmas money” trip. One of the things we got was a potty for Gus. We didn’t make a big deal about it, maybe said “look, Gus’ potty!”, set it in the bathroom and went about our lives. We got him this potty book for Christmas, read it a few times and then set it on his potty. I’ve picked up a few more potty books cheap and added another on top of his potty. (I can’t handle how many times I’ve already said potty in this post.) we figured that was our rough starting point and we’d come back to this later.
Last Thursday after coming home from the hospital I went to the bathroom and Gus came in, said “potty”, and sat down. Figuring I had nothing to lose I took his diaper off and read his potty book while he peed in his potty. Over the weekend he repeated this multiple times- about 3 to 4 times a day. Only one time has this series of events not ended with pee in his potty. Most of it has been led by him but we do take him to the potty when he first wakes up in the morning and from naps. Yesterday morning he pooped in the potty and did again this morning. He’s really getting the hang of this!
I told his daycare provider and she’s on board with letting him explore this curiosity and is offering him the potty at diaper changes (when the big kids go potty). I’m not sure if he’s taken her up on that offer yet.
At this point we have no plan. I can tell you that doing any sort of potty training at 16.5 months was not on our radar. But I don’t want to miss an opportunity. I think if we were home with him all day and left a diaper off and constantly checked in he’s do fairly well but I don’t think that would translate into in public success. I do not want to push him but also don’t want to underestimate what he is capable of. I’m not sure I’m ready for this!
I cruised craigslist strictly platonic tonight and there is only terrible stuff. I drafted (but did not post) my own ad.
Adulting is strange.
Loud opinionated dyke married to quiet, nicer dyke. We seek other couples to play board games and drink beer. We have a kid and want to hang out after bedtime. Can really only hang out at our house but would be open to future outing with said kid in tow. Likes: beer, sweet treats, bicycles, second wave feminism, holding unpopular opinions and alienating people.
Looking to hang out often as we are fresh out of friends (baby + alienating people) but will keep our cool and be down with once in a while. Not looking for drama or weird hook ups just mutual interest in settles of Catan (but nothing nerdier where you have to wear a costume).
We like the couple dynamic (and four player games) but our open to different kinds of friends. I don’t know many men I like but hey, willing to try new things and hang out with those, too. Plus, we’re starting to potty train boy child and having a dude around might save us some time with google searches.
A while ago I wrote a password protect post about how since having Gus we lost our best friends. I wrote about coming to the realization that we could not try or hope anymore and needing to move forward- I guess they felt that way too as one of them unfriended me on Facebook.
With all of this happening Lesley and I have both been feeling lonely. She’s been encouraging me to call and invite people when we go places and I feel like when we interact with others I linger extra long.
I feel stuck- how do you make friends as a parent? Our friends without kids are basically gone and most of our friends with kids have toddlers as well. Coordinating two toddler’s nap schedules is hard but beyond that I’m not looking for play dates- we have those and that is currently how we see most of our friends. I’m looking for beers and board games and after bedtime. We don’t have (and cannot afford) evening/weekend childcare so it’s hard to be in a place where what we can do with people is confined to them coming to our house after bedtime.
Our holidays were hard, our weekends are now feeling it to. Lesley and I struggled pretty bad after moving west and having no social outlet. We’re fine now but knowing that places makes it hard. Having a community is important to us both and here we are without one.
I don’t mean this to knock our friends. We have good people that we love dearly. But losing the prekid flexibility makes maintaining adult relationships near impossible- let alone build new ones. Especially when we’re kind of awkward people to start.
How do other people do it?
Gus had MRSA.
In actuality, Gus HAS MRSA because once you have MRSA you are always a carrier for it. So from now on Gus has MRSA.
We don’t know how it got it. The most common place for a child his age to get it is childcare. For those of you keeping track that would mean that in my child’s first month part time in childcare he got MRSA. I asked the nurse today if we should be concerned about it and basically, he already has it so it doesn’t matter. It isn’t really worth our time to figure out where he got it. He has it and that’s how it is.
If you don’t know much about MRSA here is what I have learned in the last 10 hours. Basically it is no big deal. If he has a cut that isn’t healing well we need to be concerned. If he gets spot, like the boil that was on his wrist a few weeks ago then we should take him in then. We don’t wait, we don’t watch things, we call, we go in. We make sure doctors know when looking at these things. He doesn’t pose a risk to anyone on a daily basis. He doesn’t pose a risk to anyone who is immune compromised. He doesn’t pose a risk to himself. If he has open draining grossness then sure, a bit riskier to other people, but day to day no biggie.
The good news is that this should never happen again. If we would have known that he was carrier he would have been treated differently. We would have taken him in sooner and he would have been treated immediately when we did take him in. That doesn’t mean that I blame any of the people we saw for not catching this, I’m just glad that we know now.
We’re home and our boy is back. He has a drainage tube still in that won’t come out until Monday so he is out of daycare until then. I officially run out of paid tomorrow off somewhere around noon tomorrow. Luckily, people at my work can donate time off and my boss said she has me covered.
It’s been a long few days. A long week. A long month. Our house is trashed. I have diapers soaking in the bathtub so we can’t take the showers we desperately need. The dog needs a bath. Pizza boxes are on the counter and the fridge is a mess of food planned for days ago. But we’re home. We’re healthy. We’re going to be okay.