The great divide.
We are part of a facebook group for local LGBTQ parents that has a meetup once a month. The activity/venue changes and based on whether or not it seems age appropriate we try to go to as many as we can. Yesterday was September’s meetup – a clothing swap at a park, and we went.
It was kind of an awkward day. We knew most of the people there but felt really out of place. I’ve realized that interesting divides takes place in our little community. The first is based on age. That’s par for the course – a lot of the events are really catered towards older kids and I think that parents tend to stick with the age group their kids are in. There is one woman who I see at most events and I have seen at other gatherings that I have never really talked to because she has older kids. This idea of grouping by age is both something that I didn’t expect about parenting groups and something that makes total sense.
The other big divide I have noticed is between adoptive families and non adoptive families. Our group is split about half and half but I think the events tend to have more adoptive families. I don’t think that this divide is there on purpose, just something that happens naturally. I think it is something mainly done by adoptive families (but I am on the other side so of course I think that) but it makes sense. While we all have parenting in common adoptive families have additional joys and challenges that I don’t get. Again, it is something that I didn’t expect but something that makes total sense.
It’s interesting to think about these things that divide us. I talk a lot about my friend B (a non lesbian) about how I prefer the company of lesbians. It was a strange thing to her at first but she gets it as we talk about it now. I think of what she would say to me in this situation: “Well you understand. You like people that share you life experiences.” And I do. But it makes me wonder where our parenting home – our tribe – is. I don’t feel like it’s with straight families and yet in the LGBTQ group I don’t feel totally welcome. We’ll still go to events (although after yesterday I might miss more than I make) and still look for a home within this community it’s just an interesting dynamic.
Tell me about your tribes. Do you have a parenting tribe of families that you love? Do those families look like yours? Do you notice these same divides in your communities?