I’ve always had trouble with feeling anxious. I go to bed at night stressed about the things I didn’t get done. When I have time to do things I feel stuck with where to start. I feel like there is never enough time, always too much to do.
I’ve worried about how this would play out when I had a child. Surely, things would not get done. We didn’t get laundry done fast enough and keep the bathroom clean enough before – how would we ever do it now?
And the first few months of my child’s life were filled with stress about this. I didn’t like people at the house (except a few close friends I stopped cleaning for). I had a hard time prioritizing fun things because there was so much work to be done. I felt like we were failing at motherhood because we couldn’t do it all.
And then suddenly and without warning I let it go. I’m not sure what shifted – Gus is more interactive. It’s easier to do things. (Game changers: Sitting up and eating solid food. We can go out to eat now and get him some avocado and not just eat one at a time while the other walks around with him.) And so much of the time we are at work – why waste our time as a family doing housework while Gus plays on the floor alone?
So we are living life. We move the laundry over from where it lives on the couch and just shuffle all papers to various piles about the room. But then we go hiking and play in the garden and find things that will make Gus laugh and I wondered why I ever wasted time doing anything else.