The worst day
Last night we were suppose to have friends over for dinner and games. I got out of work at noon, picked up the boy, ran errands, and headed home to try to get the house in order. Gus was in a great mood during errands and quite cooperative but things changed when we got home.
This boy won’t nap for me. He just refuses. What this means is he’s fussy and clingy and generally unhappy but won’t go to sleep. This meant I could get nothing done at home- no progress on the house, no lunch for myself, nothing. An hour before our friends were going to come I left Gus by himself in his crib with some toys (because I could no longer stand to look at him) while I sat on the kitchen floor with a bag of lunch meat and cried. I canceled plans.
It was a bad day. My worst. I told Lesley I can’t do this; I never should have been a mom. I tried to figure out if I could financially support them and afford a small apartment. I knew I couldn’t keep doing this.
But I did and I do. I continue because I love them and they are my family. I continue because I chose this life and do not regret it. I’ll try to do better. To be less frustrated. To be a better mom. Today Gus to ONE 45 minute nap but it was easier. He was happy and okay with spending 5 hours at the car dealership. He went to bed early and sure, will most likely be up all night but that’s okay. Tomorrow is my hard day – Lesley works and has hockey so it’s just me and the baby. But you know what? We’ll be okay. He won’t nap and I will cry but we’ll survive and someday it will get better.