I’ve never had a particularly good memory. Short term stuff I am good at but long term has always been iffy. Since giving birth short term is gone too.
This has become very hard. I’m not remembering to pay bills. I am forgetting to do stuff at work. While I try to hold it together I rate my overall life performance at sub par. I don’t know why this is. Lack of sleep? Lack of brain space? Hormones? Whatever the cause is I desperately need a solution.
So work is hard and life is hard but mommy hood is hard, too. I feel like I don’t remember Gus a week ago, let alone five months ago. I can’t picture him being tiny. We didn’t take enough pictures of him as a newborn. We took no family newborn pictures. We never got his hand or foot print. I haven’t written enough (any) in the baby book. I feel like I’ve forgotten the first days. I feel so guilty for not enjoying them more. I feel guilty that I’m not savoring every day more. He’s growing and changing and I have no idea what last week was like. I want to remember it all but can’t.