Lack of regrets

On Friday night we had some friends over for dinner and games. Our good friend, Brooke, had a birthday last week but was coming home from a business trip the day of her birthday so we had a delayed celebration.

Along with another friend Brooke invited her friend, S, who has a baby 5 weeks older than August. S lives a few blocks away and doesn’t have mom friends so Brooke has been eager for us to meet. S and her son we’re both lovely and we hope to hang out again.

Before that evening Brooke was telling her coworker about the get together. Brooke doesn’t love mixing groups of friends and explained this to her coworker saying she hope everyone got along. Her coworker asked why she was concerned and Brooke said we’re different people who parent differently. She gave the best example of this she could think of – we don’t own a stroller, S has three. Her coworker asked why we don’t own a stroller and Brooke told her why she (rightly) thought it was: we just wear or hold Gus.

**Interjecting that there is nothing wrong with having a stroller and one day we’ll probably have one but don’t feel we need one at this point.**

Her coworker’s response is what is sticking with me. She said, “They’ll regret that.” Now, I know I should be used to that because we hear that kind of comment all the time. She’s the same type of person as the people who learn we’re cloth diapering and say, “We’ll see how long that lasts.” But really? Regret?

Gus is 17 pounds at 3 months. On days like today when I leave his carrier in the car that Lesley takes to work I carry him as I walk the dog. He naps best on us. I move him around from room to room. At the end of the day my arms are tired. At the end of a walk my body is tired. Moving him between car seat and carrier running errands takes time. These are all true. I know there are months and years of this to come. But I can promise you now that I will never regret holding my son.



Posted on January 19, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 24 Comments.

  1. Huh, thats a weird thing for her to say…of all the things a parent would maybe regret in hindsight, i cant imagine that being one of them! Up until ali was 6ish months, i ended up carrying her even when we tried using the stroller, and i ‘regret’ not finding a carrier that worked better than the piece of crap one we had πŸ˜‰

    • We have a super weird dog that was hit by a car at 4 months old. He’s afraid of everything with wheels. I would probably use a stroller most while walking him and he wouldn’t have that anyway. Also, it takes everything in me to not talk people out of bad carrier decisions. I hate seeing friend’s registries and wanting to explain there are better ways to wear your baby! I’m glad you figured it out without me telling you. πŸ™‚

  2. I’ll never understand why people make comments that are unsupportive of other parents. Let me tell you, I don’t wear any of my babies. I never have. We never will. It doesn’t work for us. It’s a parenting decision we’ve made that we feel comfortable with and, I hope is how other parents are making decisions- what works for them. To imply that someone’s way of living their life is of some level of inconvenience is so odd to me. I don’t know your life. I know you’re a parent, doing one of the hardest jobs imaginable (raising humans!), in a way that feels comfortable for you and your family and I can only ever applaud those decisions because isn’t that what we want? People raising humans in the best way for their families?

    I’m sorry people can be so unsupportive, even if it comes from a place of misunderstanding or…whatever place it comes from. It stinks. I’m always a true advocate for respecting others that do this very difficult, sometimes unforgiving job. Don’t ever apologize for doing it your way.

    • I don’t know this lady so don’t care too much about the comment – it just really stood out to me where most don’t. You posted a while ago about trying to stay in the moment. That post and a few other things have really hit me as I am much like yo and try to plan for everything next. I keep telling myself to enjoy the time now. Enjoy the time where I hold him while he sleeps because that will stop at some point. To be present in the here and now. I’ve thought about it every time I’ve help him today, like I am now as he sleeps – how could someone regret this!?

  3. People are SO weird about attachment parenting. Co sleeping, baby wearing etc – we were criticized for not circumsizing and even told by someone that they wouldnt be with a man if he wasnt (SHALLOW) our response is that if a woman (or man haha) falls in love with our son and doesnt love him because of his penis they were too shallow and clearly didnt love him anyway. Ive been told by people that breastfeeding is gross! Ugh, makes me crazy. I think people forget that we are MAMMALS! Sorry, I totallt went on a tangent there lol!

  4. Yeah, of all the things you might come to regret i just can’t see carrying your kid being one of them. And yet. . . We’ve gotten similar comments and seafoam isn’t out yet. We only registered for a stroller under duress but they make me feel panicky because the size and complexity. But whatever, you know? I’m terrified of screwing my kid up ( though I’m sure i will; isn’t that part of parenthood? ! πŸ™‚ whether i hold him or push him just doesnt seem like it will have enough lasting impact for him to bring it up in therapy in 30 years.

    • Right? I have plenty of time to regret so many things but how could holding him be one? I’ve heard many strange comments but this one really stuck me. And I agree, these issues won’t be discussed in therapy – I’ve got plenty of time to screw him up much more.

  5. People are ignorant. Because it is something this person may regret does not mean that we all will. How we each get our babies from one place to another is our choice, and one that comes naturally, regardless of what that is. It feels natural for me to stroll, friends of mine have wasted tons of money on strollers they never used. I think we should all do what feels right. I only know how to be a mother to my baby. You’re the only ones who know how to be mothers to yours. You know? I will never understand why people feel it is okay to say whatever pops in their mind.

  6. That is weird- who cares if you use a stroller or not? And why would you regret it? And lastly, why is using a stroller and what type of diapers you choose a “parenting” style. It’s really just preferences. Maybe if you are doing attachment parenting that is a style, but just choosing not to use a stroller? That’s just a piece of equipment that plenty of people find they don’t need.

  7. It sounds like a statement made in ignorance. Maybe she’s the type who thinks if you hold your baby “too much” you’re spoiling them? I never used our stroller until Evelyn was about 18 months old. I don’t regret a moment of holding her, wearing her…I miss those days when she was so tiny already.

  8. Honestly, we did a little of both, but it doesn’t matter. It really is a preference for the parent to decide and no one should have the gall to comment negatively about it. I know it comes with the territory though, as a mother, you just get used to offhand comments and weird looks when you do things just a little different. Or – in your case, not that different, because wearing your kid is the thing everyone is doing. As is cloth diapering. Not my preference, but I don’t know why this woman would think it weird or uncommon as it is more mainstream now than other styles. Ignorance. That’s all it is. I loved the moments of cuddling and snuggling with the newborn baby smell when Punky was smaller. I definitely miss it!

  9. Good for you! I would never regret holding mu babies (or anyones babies while i worked in Child care) all the time! Aside from putting them in the carseat when we are driving or going out to the car and use the snap and go stroller (mainly because of Callie’s surgery and i cant carry them, her purse and a diaper bag at the same time) we are basically naked from the waist up (while Mary is at school) and carry our precious boys All. Day. Long! It’s one of the best things you can do for your little ones!

  10. People are so strange. Someone told me this weekend that M would probably develop later (aka not be smart) because he is a boy WTF? And that chubby babies don’t crawl or walk for a long time. We have a stroller, but we never use it. It was the only thing (besides my boobs) that would get him to stop crying for 4 months. Since then, I haven’t used it really. I love carrying and “wearing” him. I will certainly not regret holding him close and snuggling my baby as long as I can.

  11. I love this post. That is all.

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