Back to reality
I am writing this from my desk. My desk in my office across town. I am currently 4.45 miles away from Gus, on hour 7.5 of day two. This, my friends, this sucks.
There seems to be this belief that if you want to return to work you want to leave your child. That is not true. I want to work but my heart breaks about leaving him. I realized last night that it’s not the day that is the worst, it’s the night. It’s leaving work to pick him up, getting him, going home, and having a max of two hours before bedtime. Last night he fell asleep early so it was a bit less. We could always keep him up later but honestly he sleeps well and goes to sleep by 8 o’clock. I feel there will come points where I am so grateful for this so don’t want to screw it up. And from 8 to 9 I do dinner dishes, throw in a load of laundry, and fall asleep myself.
His sitter is amazing. He is there on Monday, Wednesday, and half day on Friday. We are lucky that Lesley is home Tuesday and Thursday afternoons and I am working half days on Fridays so he is only in care two full days. We are currently piecing together Tuesday mornings and Tracy over at is going to watch him Thursday mornings. I am pleased with the care he is getting and know he is well loved and snuggled when away from me.
The only problem is the bottle. We have Dr. Brown’s Natural Flow bottles and I really want him to like them and he does not. Yesterday he ate two 4 ounce bottles in the morning (which is good and a lot!) but nothing after noon. I tried not to stress because yes, he should have eaten more but he ate and was okay. Today, when Lesley picked him up from friends at 12:30 he had eaten 2.5 ounces since I dropped him off at 6:45. Not enough. Les took him home and gave him one of the bottles that came with my pump. 2.5 ounces instantly and asleep. So now we decide – try a bigger nipple of the Dr. Brown’s or try new bottles. I know it is crazy of me but I don’t want to switch to plastic bottles from glass but I also do not want my kid to starve. So tonight we will get new nipples and go from there. He can gulp milk from a plastic bag at this point and I’d be happy.
So besides bottle woes that leave me stressed and sad, he sleeps a lot when out of our care. I don’t know what that’s about. I also am not sure what a lot is. Our friend who had him this morning tracked everything so I will see when I get home. I feel like he just gets sad and sleeps until we come back which breaks my tiny heart. He is such a great and happy boy, I just want other people to see that and think so, too.
Also, have you ever worked a job where you took every break allotted to you? Because I have not and now I spend my breaks pumping in my office and schedule clients around my boobs. It is strange. I don’t feel weird about pumping at work, I feel weird about making time to do so.