An awkward first date
I asked Lesley the other day if she thinks parenting a newborn will be like an awkward first date. You know the kind – you’ve already seen each other naked and then decide to have dinner. (Don’t pretend you don’t know.)
I think it will be a bizarre experience – getting to know our little human. I think some of those barriers of first getting to know someone will automatically be broken. I’m going to leave the door open when going to the bathroom and lay around naked with them after getting out of the shower. But when do we really let loose? When do we let this new little human know that we like to cook while listening to Ke$ha pandora? When do we teach them the songs we make up, like our favorite one titled “Sandwiches” which is an ode to our love of sandwiches? When do I not worry about whether or not my jokes are funny (they are, FYI)?
Lesley thinks there will be no adjustment period. She said that it’s not like our little human is going to understand us from the get go and by the time they can they’ll just be used to how weird we are. It just blows me away sometimes – we’ll have this little person that will be ours. How do you even get used to that? I worry that the baby won’t like me and then I remind myself that the baby is designed to like me. My child may not like me but I’ve got some time before I need to worry about that.
I’m getting to the point where I am getting really excited. This is a shift from my attachment fears of a few weeks ago. We’ve been talking to our midwife a lot about how things will look in the hours following birth. This has been very helpful for me because I am a control freak and I know I can’t control the birth but at least I can know what to expect after. I think of those first moments, the three of us together as a family, and am filled with all the feels. I think part of my problem with feeling attached is that I do not want to have a leg up on Lesley. I don’t want to leave her out of anything so there is a struggle for me with being pregnant and feeling the baby move inside me and her not. (She does not feel upset about this in the least, I just worry.) It’s to the point now that I picture us together with the baby, on even ground, and I feel a lot of excitement.
We have five weeks to go and still a lot to do. My OCD darling has finished hanging things in the closet. She measured all the baby clothes to put them in size groups that sometimes do not match their given size. Last night she made dividers to separate the clothes that marks their size and length. This is the same woman who I have never been able to get to pick her dirty socks off the floor and put them in the laundry basket but baby clothes organization? I guess that’s her thing.