I have a confession to make. I do not feel super attached to our baby.
I feel like I should be feeling the overwhelming attachment and I just… Don’t. I see women talk about being so excited to hold their baby or reading it stories every night in utero. About them talking to their fetus and fetus responding. That’s not how things work over here.
We talk to Steakums on occasion and when they are going nuts I normally lay my hand (or Lesley’s hand) over my belly in an attempt to soothe. We planned on playing it music every day but that lasted about a week.
I don’t know why this is. Is it because we don’t know the sex so can’t call them by their picked out name? Is it because we’ve had only two ultrasounds so don’t feel like we know them as intimately as other people feel they know their uterine guest? It’s odd because we tried to get pregnant for months. We planned to get pregnant for years. I thought by the time we got here I’d feel something different.
We have 7 weeks to go. My brother reminded me last night that his first daughter came four weeks early. I need more than three weeks to prepare. I feel like pregnancy I understand but it still blows my mind that we’ll soon have a baby. We’re not ready. Can we really do this? I’m trapped between two worlds- one where we watch my belly dance and wash and fold baby clothes and one where I lay next to my sweet love and try to freeze time.