The constant wonder
I love the internet and it’s ability to listen to our every thought and feeling. IN that though, sometimes I don’t know the true reason of that feeling until much later.
I feel like I have been whining about not getting baby gifts from family. I’ve been okay with accepting this but felt befuddled that people do not want to celebrate this baby as much as we do. But in reality, they do, and I know that.
I realized the lack of gifts has filled my head with doubt. I’m always defensive that people are secretly against us because we are gay. I assume most other same sex couples (or singles!) know this feeling. My cousin got married this weekend and we were not invited. I have a very close extended family so this is unusual. We got a save the date and announced the pregnancy shortly after that. In reality, we most likely weren’t invited because he knew we would not travel from across the country while I am 30 weeks pregnant and that was the only reason. But I can’t help but wonder – Was us being gay okay but being pregnant and gay just a bit too over the line?
I wonder these things all the time. I have a loving and supportive family but they are also full of gossip so are they just nice to our faces? Do they tell me they are excited about my pregnancy but really think what we are doing is wrong? It’s not gifts I am looking for but reassurance that our families are behind us. The thing is, when you are gay, even when you are 30 sometimes you still feel like an unsure 13 year old.