Monthly Archives: July 2014


Our shower was last weekend and it was great. It was a small group of people – maybe 12 to 14 – and a short time period so those are both things that make it much nicer for me. Our friends did an amazing job decorating and planning activities that people could be involved in without playing games. We opened presents and got a ton of stuff off our registry – I’m starting to feel more and more ready for this baby to come (but not too soon!).

Our fancy cake!

Our fancy cake!

wishing tree of wishes for the babe.

wishing tree of wishes for the babe.

Us at the shower.

Us at the shower.

(Someday I will learn to do that fancy thing where you can put multiple pictures into one picture.)

My sister sent our cards to long distance family and friends and we got quite a few back. Her plan was to put them on a canvas to hang in the nursery which we did not love. After many attempts at gentle steering she realized a book might be better to preserve them long term. It was a mixed bag of results – most of our friends sent theirs back, some family, some family friends. Overall, it accomplished what we wanted – to feel connected to folks far away. The bad news is that when my sister flew home (with our cards to put them into a book) she stopped in San Francisco to meet someone for a drink. While there her car was broken into. They took both of her bags which contained her stuff from the weekend, her computer, and all our cards.

Overall it was a nice weekend. My sister is a bit of a difficult person so it was hard to have her here when while I am sure she is happy for us, she’s unhappy with her life and that emotion is the more prominent one. It is what it is -it’s just that what it is is sometimes tiring.

We’ve reached this magical point now with no deadlines. We have much to do, yes, but can move at our own pace and get ready for baby. My sister is coming back, with my brother and his two boys (4 and 2) to stay with us for a long weekend when I am 37 weeks pregnant. I’m sure I’ll be stressed closer to that date but now, in the 90 degree weather, all I have to do is come home from work, take my clothes off, and sit in front of a fan.


The constant wonder

I love the internet and it’s ability to listen to our every thought and feeling. IN that though, sometimes I don’t know the true reason of that feeling until much later.

I feel like I have been whining about not getting baby gifts from family. I’ve been okay with accepting this but felt befuddled that people do not want to celebrate this baby as much as we do. But in reality, they do, and I know that.

I realized the lack of gifts has filled my head with doubt. I’m always defensive that people are secretly against us because we are gay. I assume most other same sex couples (or singles!) know this feeling. My cousin got married this weekend and we were not invited. I have a very close extended family so this is unusual. We got a save the date and announced the pregnancy shortly after that. In reality, we most likely weren’t invited because he knew we would not travel from across the country while I am 30 weeks pregnant and that was the only reason. But I can’t help but wonder – Was us being gay okay but being pregnant and gay just a bit too over the line?

I wonder these things all the time. I have a loving and supportive family but they are also full of gossip so are they just nice to our faces? Do they tell me they are excited about my pregnancy but really think what we are doing is wrong? It’s not gifts I am looking for but reassurance that our families are behind us. The thing is, when you are gay, even when you are 30 sometimes you still feel like an unsure 13 year old.

30 weeks

I am now 30 weeks pregnant and feeling good. I woke up screaming with my first pregnancy charley house yesterday but overall things are good.

I’m starting to get a bit anxious about what’s to come. We haven’t started discussing birth with the midwife but I assume that is coming up in our next few visits. We went through all of our baby clothes and made a list of what we had this week. Lesley printed off a list she found online of how much of what we need and we are using those two to make a list of what we still need. Our baby shower is next week and we are looking forward to that. I never learned what my sister sent out to long distance folks but besides our moms no one long distance has bought us anything for the baby. We expect to buy most of our registry which is just fine but are going to wait until 30 days before our due date to get things at a discount. Lesley thinks most family members will buy us something after the baby is born which is nice but leads to us not really getting the stuff we need. It is what it is.

I’ve realized in the past few days my biggest pet peeve about pregnancy. It’s folks saying things like “baby’s first _____!” when I do things. Last night we went to see the symphony at a park in town. We ran into some friends there and one said to me as we were leaving, “Steakums firsts cannons!” because there were cannons during the 1812 overture. This has become common for folks and makes me a bit crazy. First, steakums isn’t here and a human being yet. While this is a distinction that most people don’t make (and often, we do not make) I feel it is an important one for me to remember. It makes me feel very awkward when people personify our little fetus. Sure, we do it (how could we not!?) but what I do when talking to my partner is not what I want other people to do. Ultimately, if something happened today and we were taken to the hospital and I had to choose between my life and steakums I would choose me. I get that maybe this sounds bad but it’s just getting a bit hard for me. It’s a little thing, really, but being pregnant and pro choice gets a bit awkward.

The other reason this annoys me is because someday our child will experience these firsts. Their first symphony performance, their first baseball game, their first fourth of July. I don’t want to take away from those experiences. We can’t wait for this baby to arrive – we can’t wait to be parents. But, for now, let us just enjoy being here now.

Enjoying the symphony.

Enjoying the symphony.

Lesbian moms

My best friend and I have a certain dance we do that we call “the lesbian mom dance”. We have done this for many years and it is mainly something we do to get the other’s attention when we see lesbian moms so we can look lovingly at them together. She is now a lesbian mom and we still do this dance.

There is really little more exciting than seeing lesbians in public with their babies. Especially when you want to be a lesbian mom. It brings me such an insane amount of joy – it’s absurd.

Last night we went to a minor league baseball game in our town. As Lesley and I were standing in line to get ice cream in a tiny hat, a woman behind us asked when I was due. That in and of itself is excited because I feel I just look gigantic, not pregnant. I told her and we chatted a little and she told me her son was however old (I honestly wasn’t paying that much attention at that point. I am pregnant and was in line to get ice cream – I was trying to figure out if we would be helped by the guy who was giving bigger scoops) and then pointed at her son and her partner.

Someone recognized that we are soon to be lesbian moms! We are now the people that I have been dancing about for 10 years! Maybe this will not excite any of you and maybe other people do not have a weird equivalent of the lesbian mom dance but holy smokes, it was a great moment.



And then there were two.

On Wednesday night our roommate, K, unceremoniously moved out. She had been home in Canada for the past three weeks, came back Monday, and moved out Wednesday. We knew this was the plan but it was still strange to come home from work and have her room be empty.

Lesley and I have been together for 7 years and 51 weeks and lived alone for maybe 2.5 years of that. The first year we dated we lived apart with roommates. Then we moved into our first rental together. Shortly after that a friend got into a relationship, moved to our town from an hour away to be with her new lady, and then they promptly broke up. We took her and her try-to-save-the-relationship dog in and they lived with us until we left Michigan. When we moved to Oregon we rented an apartment for two years where we lived alone. Then we moved into a house with a friend so we could have more space but keep our rent low while saving to buy. Our friend moved in with her boyfriend after a year and we put out a craigslist ad and found K. We lived with her for 9 months in that house and then bought ours and offered to let her come along.

She knew we were planning on having a baby and when we were trying to get pregnant. After we found out I was we gave her the option to stay. Turns out PhD students with insomnia aren’t too eager to live with a newborn.

I wasn’t home when she left but Lesley was. She said it was sad and she wanted to give K a hug but she had never intentionally touched her so she felt like that would be weird to do now. We saw K last night and will see her Saturday. We’ve talked about doing once weekly dinners.

This has been a huge sign that this baby thing is happening. We bought a crib and dresser months ago and yesterday picked it up from our friend’s garage and moved it into the room. I plan to wash the floors this weekend and then lay the rug down and put the chair together. Lesley will assemble the crib and we’ll get paint for the birch trees that will stand in the corner. At some point, she’ll build the table that will sit next to the chair and make the mobile. Next month I’ll start washing and putting away clothes and diapers.

In 78 days, give or take, our newest and longest staying roommate will arrive. Roommate 1 would come home from the bar at 2 am and play bongos with her friends. Roommate 2 was pretty messy. Roommate 3 left coffee grounds all over the counter. I don’t know what this new one will be like and it will certainly be a combination of everything that annoyed us about the last three. It will be needy and loud and won’t pay rent. But I think like our last three roommate, we’ll love them anyway.

A collection of updates

I’ve been trying to think of what to say and what I really have to update. I have a few posts started in my head but none of them seem to go anywhere. Instead, I’ll give you all the little bits now.
1) The standard update. I am in the third trimester – 28 weeks and 3 days. The chance of this little mover and shaker staying in until September 27th seems impossible to me. Babe moves ALL THE TIME and it’s fun to watch and amazing when I take the time to really stop and think about it. I feel like they are going to come bursting out any minute. We were awake this morning at 4:30 (CATS!) and babe was all over. Lesley put her arm around me and felt them kicking and rolling and said, “No, steakums, it’s not time to come out yet”. This is something we tell them pretty regularly.
We had a midwife appointment this morning and everything was good. Belly measuring great and while she had trouble figuring out where steakums is laying she thinks they are head down which is a good thing. My stomach is tight full of baby which of course makes me believe that at least 10 of the 16 pounds I gained are hanging out in my ass, thighs, and gigantic, uncomfortable boobs. I did three days of fasting and tracking my blood sugar instead of drinking the gross drink to test for gestational diabetes. Everything looked great. My back and feet hurt at night, pelvis is stiff in the morning. Per usual, the midwife backed up what Lesley has been telling me – stretch move before bed.
Here is a picture from 27 weeks. I try to take pictures of myself but they are never flattering so here is what you get.

2) I’ve been feeling very homesick. Having a baby away from your whole family is hard. We have good friends here and I am thankful for that but it’s not the same. We know we want to be here and that’s not going to change – but it’s hard. We have our baby shower coming up on the 28th. It now feels silly to do without my mom here. My sister sent a card to get well wishes from family and friends out of town and has received a good response – hopefully that helps me not feel sad on the day of. Does it ever get easier – having a baby while living far away from family?

3) Last week after my yoga class a bunch of the women were going to get lunch together. I declined as I didn’t have my wallet and had a lot to do at home. But also I feel guilty doing pregnant lady things without Lesley. She thinks this is silly and thinks I should for sure go next time. I am just so hesitant to designate myself as “the mom” when she is “the mom”, too. I want her to be as involved as possible, and she is, but I worry about doing anything to exclude her. She, of course, does not worry about this at all. I’m so eager to get this baby out of me so our playing field is a bit more level.

4) Our roommate moves out this week and we can actually get started on the nursery. We made a huge trip to ikea to get stuff to redo our spare room with will become a guest room/office/play room/craft room. We still have one wall of stuff to complete once the roommate is gone but the big work is done. I’m eager to have the rest of our house in order, too.

5) It’s really hot here. Being pregnant in the summer is dumb.