On Friday we went to a potluck at our midwife’s house. She has a spring potluck every year and there was a wide range of kids that she had brought into the world and their parents there. We knew it would be a bit awkward but had another dinner party to go to afterwards so decided to go for a short period of time and try to be social.
We were the only gay couple there. We were the only people there who are Pregnant Without Other Children (PWOC, as we named it). No one talked to us. We sat alone and shortly after eating someone organized a photo with the midwife and all the kids and we saw that as our opportunity and took our cucumber salad and left.
It’s weird to see parents interact with one another. It’s like someone walks up and says, “Hello person with child. I also have a child.” And then they talk about their kids. No one approaches the pregnant folks and beyond that, it seems no one knows how to approach the lesbian couple.
Lesley has no problems with being considered a parent to our child. She feels like an equal partner in this and is not worried about how others see her as a parent. But in things like this it’s weird. She doesn’t fit in with the dad’s and does not have the shared pregnancy experience with the other moms. She felt extremely out of place.
I wonder how this will play out when baby is here. We think that if people meet her and baby, either without me or before seeing me, there will be no questions. If people see us as a family, they won’t doubt our authenticity as a family. But while we’re in this holding pattern it’s interesting to watch how people interact, or avoid interaction, with us.