On Friday we went to a potluck at our midwife’s house. She has a spring potluck every year and there was a wide range of kids that she had brought into the world and their parents there. We knew it would be a bit awkward but had another dinner party to go to afterwards so decided to go for a short period of time and try to be social.

We were the only gay couple there. We were the only people there who are Pregnant Without Other Children (PWOC, as we named it). No one talked to us. We sat alone and shortly after eating someone organized a photo with the midwife and all the kids and we saw that as our opportunity and took our cucumber salad and left.

It’s weird to see parents interact with one another. It’s like someone walks up and says, “Hello person with child. I also have a child.” And then they talk about their kids. No one approaches the pregnant folks and beyond that, it seems no one knows how to approach the lesbian couple.

Lesley has no problems with being considered a parent to our child. She feels like an equal partner in this and is not worried about how others see her as a parent. But in things like this it’s weird. She doesn’t fit in with the dad’s and does not have the shared pregnancy experience with the other moms. She felt extremely out of place.

I wonder how this will play out when baby is here. We think that if people meet her and baby, either without me or before seeing me, there will be no questions. If people see us as a family, they won’t doubt our authenticity as a family. But while we’re in this holding pattern it’s interesting to watch how people interact, or avoid interaction, with us.


Posted on June 16, 2014, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. That is incredibly rude of the potluck attendees to all ignore you! I can’t believe not a single person came to say ‘hi’. I know there is a parents club – a camaraderie of sorts – but that’s no reason to exclude soon-to-be-parents.

  2. That’s really strange. Did your midwife at least talk to you? Have a conversation with you guys? I mean, that’s just strange to me. I don’t even really know what to say to that. It’s just … strange!

  3. So weird. Parents missing an opportunity to smugly and pompously say things like “oh just you wait…” and “you have no idea what you’re getting yourselves into…” and “enjoy your sleep/quiet/alone time while you still can…” is just unheard of!

    Seriously though? Rude. And extra sympathy for Lesley. I too was totally secure in my non-gestational parent role from the get-go so it was always jarring when others made me suddenly and unnaturally conscious of it. Expectant parents are expectant parents. And inconsiderate people are inconsiderate people. Their loss. Sorry the midwife host didn’t take it upon herself to introduce and include. Glad you’re looking forward rather than dwelling.

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