I feel like I am teetering between extremes.
I talked in my last post about how I feel like there is nothing to do. In my 14th week I am starting to feel like there is nothing to do and everything to do. We have so many crafts we want to do for baby that we haven’t started! We have so much stuff we need! We have home projects I want to get done! But then I remind myself we have time, it will be okay. I’ve also started to think about the practical implications of it all. Our good friend will do childcare and I am working on a childcare agreement, redoing our budget to add in the costs and see what we have to do to be out of debt by the time baby arrives. I’ve been thinking about long term child savings – when do we set up a savings account for our child? How much do we add monthly? It’s a priority for us to pay for our child to go to college – how do I figure out what we need to save for that? These practical things (read: money) occupy a lot of my brain space. Babies cost a lot, y’all. Even if you are like us and hope to have minimal things for them.
The other extreme is emotional. Wowza, that’s a killer. Last night I told Lesley what I wanted for dinner and she made it. I ate a small amount and decided I was not hungry. She was frustrated with me because I need to eat more and keep giving me (what I interpreted as) disapproving looks. This led to me pouting and sniffling on the couch for about an hour and a half. About an hour before this episode I was totally fine. I do not look forward to this continuing and wish I could figure out how to regulate myself a bit better. Lesley blamed it all on me being hungry. I have a bad history of getting hangry so maybe that was it, or maybe just what she could identify from my past behavior. I, on the other hand, suspect it might have had something to do with her coming home from the store without ice cream. I guess the reassuring part is that while my stomach is getting bigger I don’t have much validation I am pregnant. Our next midwife appointment is in late April so the reassurance of hearing the heartbeat again is a ways off. I guess right now what I have is a total break down due to lack of ice cream.
In other fun baby news, we picked names! No, I am not going to tell you what they are but they are picked. We’ve had a boy names picked for a while but picked a girls name on Sunday and instantly knew it was right. We had one picked before (Spencer) but then found out it is a really popular name in our little hippy town as one of the hiking spots is Spencer’s Butte and our founding father had the last name Spencer. That took that out of the running. But that never felt as right as the new one does. I’ve had a hard time imagining having a girl and I think it was because we knew the boy’s name – I could see us having a son with that name. I now feel that way about having a daughter which gives me some relief that we have a shot of having a girl. I actually love both names so much it makes me want to have two – looks like when the dog comes around we’ll have a name ready to go!