I had a conversation with my dad yesterday where he asked what our standard responses are to the questions people are going to have about my pregnancy. He asked this in a helpful manner – Once we have good news from the ultrasound on Friday we are going to tell our siblings. This means that slowly over the next four weeks word will spread around my extended family. With a more public announcement at 12 weeks they’ll all know. Most of my family is pretty good to Lesley and I and because we live 3,000 miles away from them they won’t ask us many questions. But my family, and I sure do love them, is an extremely close knit bunch who loves to talk to each other. While we may not get the questions that doesn’t mean that my parents and siblings won’t.
This is something that Lesley and I talked about extensively before trying to get pregnant and at the beginning of that process. Neither of us have any desire to discuss the donor with other people. We have yet to order the long profile and honestly, after getting pregnant I had to look him up because I didn’t remember anything about him. We both know that we don’t want to discuss the donor and had some ideas about how to handle those situations. But now that I am pregnant I feel unprepared. I feel like the responses I had at the ready months ago aren’t right now and normally when people ask anything I end up giving more information than I planned because the questions catch me off guard.
The hardest part for me right now is that I don’t know what the questions will be. My dad seems to think they will be broke down into two parts: How did we get pregnant and who is the donor. I honestly can’t imagine people asking how we got pregnant unless they are lesbians. I think most people have assumptions about turkey basters and really don’t want to think beyond that. And those questions I can answer simple enough: We order sperm from a sperm bank and went to a doctor. I really don’t think people want information beyond that. But the donor questions are harder. I’m not sure what people ask so feel unprepared in my response. And while I’m not uncomfortable answering a question or two I really don’t want to talk about it so would rather end the conversation as soon as possible. I see a lifetime of awkward conversations ahead of me and wish I had the answer my dad was looking for – the textbook response we want to give to the questions coming our way.