Monthly Archives: February 2014
My midwife wants me to keep track of everything I eat for a few days. I worked on this today. If I went to get chicken wings, ate some, and then threw them up in the parking lot, made Lesley drive to another parking spot and threw up more do I have to write them down in the food journal?
There is a lighthearted conversation going on right now on our sperm banks forum about different criteria people used to pick their donor. People started talking about one specific criteria and I realized I am really the odd ball out. Many of them would not pick a donor who, when asked why he wanted to be a donor, mentioned money.
Lesley and I, on the other hand, gave extra mental points to those guys. Was it our first criteria? No. But was I pleased that our final donor said he wanted to donate for the money? Yes. Two points for honesty.
Most of the women on the forum are thinking about how to share donor information with their child and want his reasoning to be noble and pure. I can get that I suppose. But that’s not where we are coming from. We want our conversations to be open and honest. Our friends plan to tell their daughter that this man gave them an amazing gift. I think it glorifies things. I think wanting to present the donor as this selfless man who did this amazing thing is making him out to be something he may not be. Maybe our child will meet him at some point and maybe they won’t but they can make up their own mind about who they believe him to be.
It’s not that I want our child to think poorly of the donor. Truth be told, I want our child to not think about him at all but I know that’s not likely. I don’t need him to pay a magical, unrealistic role in our child’s life. Our child will know they came from a donor but they will know that they were created because Lesley and I love each other so much we think we might explode so we want to spread that out a bit. They will know this man helped us, and whether we tell them or not, at some point they will figure out he was paid for it. He doesn’t need to be viewed as a hero because he gave us an amazing gift. Maybe he’s a really great guy, sure, but I think our child can find their own heros without me force feeding them inaccurate visions of reality. Better yet, my child can be their own hero.
And THAT is what I would never tell the women of the forum (even though my signature in it is linked to my blog.)
I have been sick. It’s just a stupid cold but it’s knocked me out. I missed work Friday and had to have Lesley come home to make me lunch because I couldn’t walk to the kitchen from the couch. Our house is 1100 sq. ft- it’s not like I had to stroll through the wings of my mansion, y’all. I’m starting to come out of it but it’s slow. I keep reminding myself that a cold doesn’t necessarily hurt the fetus but I am more eager than ever to hear that heartbeat and know we’re all still okay.
I realized today why pregnant women hate everyone. My coworker told me today that being sick while pregnant is part of the process. Nope. I got a cold. My immune system is weak. I didn’t get a cold because it’s part of being pregnant. When I left today she told me to take care of myself because, “remember, you’re taking care of two.” HOLY FUCK! I almost forgot! My plan was to go home and drink whiskey and smoke all the smokes but thankfully she reminded me. This is the same woman who when she found out I was pregnant asked when she could tell people. Hows about never? I know I’m pregnant. I think about it all the time. I don’t need your annoying little comments.
In other news, I remembered food is awesome. Today when leaving work I saw someone’s Sonic bag in the trash and stood and stared at it for a good 30 seconds. That’s when I realized that the cravings are here and they are constantly whispering for cheeseburgers. Before Saturday night I have had one hamburger in 8 years. Lesley, who is less of a strict vegetarian than I am, is THRILLED. I figure that intense meat cravings is something sweet I can do for her since she spent the weekend bulk cooking for the net few weeks and cleaning and taking care of me while I couldn’t get off the couch. Together, we’ll eat cheeseburgers.
We had out first actual prenatal visit with our midwife this morning. I like her so much and felt even more reassured that we made the right choice. Last Friday we canceled our ten week doctor’s appointment and told our doctor we were going to use a midwife. It went as expected and luckily Colleen, the midwife, had tols us everything the doctor would say. Our doctor did say though that if we are using a “lay” midwife then she’s glad it’s Colleen.
We didn’t have much to talk about today and mainly talked about diet and exercise. She checked a few hormone levels and is a bit concerned I am not eating enough. She suggested I snack when I get up to go to the bathroom in the night which is so funny for me to think about sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of the night having a banana. BUT she said it would help me fall back to sleep faster and that is something I want so I’ll do it. She also broke the bad news that I need to be drinking whole milk which is gross and I am extremely displeased. Colleen has realized that Lesley is her ally in my eating as she was telling me the same things Lesley has been telling me. So now they have teamed up on me.
She gave me reassurance, like many of you, the the exhaustion will pass. I almost cried even talking about it today. I do mostly okay through the day but hit 8 o’clock and feel so overwhelmed and tired. I’m beyond ready for that to be over.
The best part of the visit was that she gave me extra motivation to bike. I love biking and next month am moving to my organization’s other office with makes a bike commute much more manageable -3.5 miles each way instead of 7.5. 7.5 isn’t even that bad but it means I need a shower by the time I get to work which means that with the ride and shower I need to leave around 6:30 to be ready for work by 8:30. This new commute will be showerless and means I can leave at 8. Colleen told me that she has no scientific proof of this but has found that women who bike through their pregnancy have a much easier time with childbirth. SOLD. Looks like this weekend is bike tune up weekend.
Our next appointment is March 10th and she’s hopeful we can hear the heartbeat. This all is so surreal. As I grow more confident each day I grow a little more excited. This is going to happen and all three of us are going to be just fine.
Sometime during my pregnancy I want to:
Not take a nap and go to bed after 8:30.
Not be crying out of exhaustion when I go to bed.
Go see a movie at night.
Be able to make evening plans during the week.
Please, someone tell me this is possible.
I had a conversation with my dad yesterday where he asked what our standard responses are to the questions people are going to have about my pregnancy. He asked this in a helpful manner – Once we have good news from the ultrasound on Friday we are going to tell our siblings. This means that slowly over the next four weeks word will spread around my extended family. With a more public announcement at 12 weeks they’ll all know. Most of my family is pretty good to Lesley and I and because we live 3,000 miles away from them they won’t ask us many questions. But my family, and I sure do love them, is an extremely close knit bunch who loves to talk to each other. While we may not get the questions that doesn’t mean that my parents and siblings won’t.
This is something that Lesley and I talked about extensively before trying to get pregnant and at the beginning of that process. Neither of us have any desire to discuss the donor with other people. We have yet to order the long profile and honestly, after getting pregnant I had to look him up because I didn’t remember anything about him. We both know that we don’t want to discuss the donor and had some ideas about how to handle those situations. But now that I am pregnant I feel unprepared. I feel like the responses I had at the ready months ago aren’t right now and normally when people ask anything I end up giving more information than I planned because the questions catch me off guard.
The hardest part for me right now is that I don’t know what the questions will be. My dad seems to think they will be broke down into two parts: How did we get pregnant and who is the donor. I honestly can’t imagine people asking how we got pregnant unless they are lesbians. I think most people have assumptions about turkey basters and really don’t want to think beyond that. And those questions I can answer simple enough: We order sperm from a sperm bank and went to a doctor. I really don’t think people want information beyond that. But the donor questions are harder. I’m not sure what people ask so feel unprepared in my response. And while I’m not uncomfortable answering a question or two I really don’t want to talk about it so would rather end the conversation as soon as possible. I see a lifetime of awkward conversations ahead of me and wish I had the answer my dad was looking for – the textbook response we want to give to the questions coming our way.
1) It finally occurred to me that while I take gummy prenatals and think they taste like candy, I still need to take them with food.
2) Because of this discovery and not taking my vitamins this morning, I felt great today for the first time in at least two weeks.
1) I don’t want to vomit all the time but am more tired then I have ever been ever. EVER BEEN EVER. I think the nausea was hiding that fact.
2) Lesley told me if I feel better I have to be helpful and do things like the laundry. And our taxes.
3) Without the desire to vomit all the time there are no signs I am pregnant. At least when I felt terrible it signaled something, even if that was, at it turns out, that I am not the smartest. I now am worried something is wrong and that this little parasite isn’t thriving. 10 days to go until the “confirmation of viability” ultrasound.
We’ve officially crossed over into six weeks pregnant. This is big as I told myself that at 6 weeks I’d start to relax and that’s proved true. I’m starting to get more excited and we even bought a storage bin for the six baby things we have bought in anticipation that at some point we might buy more. I ordered baby hockey pajamas in anticipation of bringing baby to Lesley’s hockey games. That’s the first thing I’ve bought with the idea of actually doing something with our child.
I continue to feel pretty terrible but with Lesley monitoring my eating it’s going better. I need to eat more fruits and vegetables and not just crackers and cheese but hey, can’t win them all, right?
We had a consult with our top choice for midwife yesterday and loved her. Sure, initially we picked her because she brings the birthing tub over on her cargo bike but she really is a great fit for us. I feel more confident after we met that home birth is right for us – now to convince our moms…
8 week ultrasound is on Valentine’s Day. Assuming everything is fine (and I’m assuming that) we’ll start telling the people we need to tell in person or over the phone. We haven’t told our siblings or some close friends so need to do those personally before a public (Facebook) announcement. We’ve been planning on going public at week 14- the end of March. I don’t think I can wait that long though. I should, I know, but that’s 8 weeks away and I’m a terrible secret keeper. Maybe once we tell a few more people my eagerness will calm.