It’s no secret that I want a daughter. Seven months into trying to get pregnant I care less and less every day but in my heart of hearts, I want a girl.
Pot and I have agreed that we will not find out the sex of the baby. It won’t change how we decorate a nursery (which Pot has already designed with detailed sketches), what we register for (again, already done), or how we feel about the pregnancy so why know? I think it is good for me, too. I can’t imagine having a baby, finding out it is a boy, and being disappointed. Yes, it will be a boy, but it will be OUR boy. Plus, our top boy names are super cute.
My friends all know how badly I want a girl and purposely use male pronouns when talking about our future child to get me used to the idea. At this point, I can imagine having a baby boy and even a toddler boy but struggle with seeing myself having a boy child.
Many of my views about parenting fall into line with the fact that I live in a hippie town. I plan to cloth diaper, make my own baby food, and am adamantly against having a stroller as it seems like a waste of space and money since one of us will always be wearing our child when we are out. I don’t want to cosleep which is about the only thing that makes me different from all of the other hippie parents around here. I know what my views are on these things (and things like them) and sure, maybe they will change, but all in all, I feel like I have the same parenting expectations that many others do.
How I imagine our household operating is a bit more unique. Where my girl yearning comes from is my desire to raise a girl in this world. I want to take her to the inauguration of the first woman president and hang Kathleen Hanna’s “Riot Grrl Manifesto” above her crib. I read this great article the other day and realized that my daughter can say “fuck” as much as she wants but “fat” will be a banned “F” word in our home. I am totally against baby music and instead plan to dance with her to Le Tigre and Sleater Kinney and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I want her feet to plant firmly in the ground at the Michigan Womyn’s Music Festival.
(I should take a second to note that I do understand that gender is more fluid than this and that having a child born female does not mean they will always identify as female. I 100% get that. But I think very few parents look at their new born baby and look at their gender as a blank slate. Maybe many do and are more progressive than me – so be it. I’ll love and support my child and whatever body, mind, being they grow into.)
I realize that a lot of these things I can still do with a boy. I realize that my boy may never want to watch videos of monster trucks or my girl may love princesses. During this two week wait I keep telling myself that the child that comes into our lives will be ours. It’s taking longer than planned but when it is time, it will be our time with our child. Our child will come back from the beach with pockets full of shells. Our child will be barefoot as much as possible and be in awe of the world around them. Our child will love to read and imagine and create. And if our child, boy or girl, is none of the things that I expect or hope – they’ll still be our perfect child.