One thing that concerns me about getting pregnant is balancing my beliefs with my excitement. I am extremely pro choice. Because of this I believe that life begins at birth. Before birth there are stages of gestation: it is a zygote, an embryo, a fetus. When it is born it is a baby.
We have already talked to some close friends about how we will publicly (when people know about the pregnancy) refer to it as a fetus. If I want to comment on facebook about how it is moving around or making me uncomfortable i will talk about the fetus. We joked that if they wanted to throw us a shower the theme could be parasites as that closer matches our terminology at that point than baby.
I feel it is important to have this distinction yet know that realistically, we will refer to it to each other as the baby. Our excitement level will be high – we want this and as soon as it becomes real it will be so real to us. It’s hard to think about a fetus as a nonliving thing when you so badly want it to grow into your baby.
I was speaking with an acquaintance the other day who mentioned finding out her sister is pregnant. She said she thinks her sister may actually keep the baby and she is so surprised as this was unplanned. While in theory I 100% support this position it was hard to hear as someone trying to get pregnant that someone could accidentally pregnant and decide to terminate that pregnancy. I don’t know whether or not pregnancy will change my belief system. I am confident I will remain strongly prochoice but worry I will struggle to separate my emotions from the facts I believe.
There was a period of time at the end of last week where I got very confident that I was pregnant. I am not. During that time Pot and I were standing in a parking lot, a small quiet moment together in the middle of a vacation with friends, when she put her hands on my stomach and said, “Stay in there. Stay and grow.” She has the same beliefs about choice and life that I do and I was reminded in this moment that we are in this – this journey, this struggle – together.