We got the questions last night. We went to a friends’ house for dinner and let them in on our attempts to get pregnant. They have a toddler and we were some of the first people to know they were pregnant. They’ve been waiting for us to get pregnant but we hadn’t seen them in a while and hadn’t told them we were trying. Honestly, we aren’t really planning on telling anyone else we are trying but I am a terrible secret keeper and tend to tell people all the time. Hence the gang of two growing to three to five to seven to eight to now ten. I know my faults – secret keeping tops the list.
They are very excited and as a heterosexual couple had questions. The questions that we have been dreading. On one hand, I totally understand the curiousity and in a way feel it is my duty to inform people how picking a sperm donor works. Unless you are really looking for one I don’t think many people would know the process. They asked how we picked one and I answered those questions. In general terms, we looked at family health history, CMV status, and an anonymous donor. We settled on one without glasses because I wear glasses but didn’t pay much attention to the other info. Our friend asked what kind of info is given and I told her that you can get some basic stuff and pay for more if you want it. She asked if the basic stuff included a physical description and I told her it did. Maybe that opened the door to it – I don’t know – but her next question was what color hair and eyes did the donor have. This was where I realized I need to draw a line.
I can talk about the process and I can talk about the criteria that was important to us but I am not comfortable answering those questions. I dodged it by telling her I didn’t know (I do) but realized that I am not prepared for these questions. We are not prepared for these questions. I talked with Pot afterwards and she said I answered more than we agreed upon but that was fine and I was free to say what I wanted. The problem is that I don’t want to give that information but am not too sure how to explain that. When the questions get personal is it okay to say, “We’re not interested in discussing that”? Will we be labeled as smug for not giving close friends, family members, and complete strangers this information?
This is something we really need to figure out. We’re going to have a conversation about what we want to share and don’t want to share and how to draw that line. Maybe until that is decided I should keep my mouth shut.