Today is our anniversary. We have been together for seven years and are prepared to fully embrace year eight. I tell you this because it is the back story of all the planning. We did not decide at the end of February to have a baby. This was decided long ago, at a time we don’t even know. For us, it is something we have known for so long.
In my mind, this will be the most planned baby to exist. I ache to be a parent. More than that I ache to be a parent with Pot. I am so excited about this journey and think that we will do great and have an amazing time doing it. I have been patient about this journey and have anxiously waited until we were ready.
We had things we wanted to complete first. Four years ago we moved across the country. That was step one. Pot entered and completed grad school. That was step two. I got a job that is very stable with great benefits. Step three. In there we bought a house – a step we planned to take after pregnancy but we looked at two on a whim and bought one. Not quite step four but accomplished nonetheless.
I knew we wanted to complete these things but it has been a struggle to wait. I’ve watched friends who haven’t been together a long as we have start having kids. I have watched heterosexual friends accidently get pregnant – some excited and some not. I’ve watched my nieces and nephews grow into existence and then grow from babies to toddlers to kids. All this time I have wondered, “When is it our turn?”
I’ve tried to be patient but more often than not I’ve been filled with jealousy. The “When is it our turn?” question has been angry and sad and the frustration has been unflattering to say the least. Pot is much calmer, about this and everything. Honestly, she deserves some sort of medal for making it through every day with me. But when the new year started I made a goal: Enjoy the present and don’t rush for the future. I feel that I have done a good job with that – at least better than in the past. Enjoy this time where the two of us ride bikes and nap midday and live in our little house on our little street and enjoy that this is my life. I love my life. I love Pot more than I could ever begin to explain. And I love that we are here and ready to move forward, together and prepared.